A lot of time has passed since I received a request to continue the birth story. "What happened? How does the rest of the story go?" came the anxious comment. I will continue the story...but not here. Here I want to express what I've come to believe. What I've come to know. It may receive some criticism and be met with some disbelief. I welcome this - it means we are thinking and talking about these issues. I hope we are also listening.
My birth story talks a lot about the choices that I did not know were mine. Choices that are generally reserved for the doctor, but only by default. It is not that these choices belong to the doctor, but rather that mothers are unaware that they have choices. And so, in the delivery room, during the throes of childbirth, mothers are ill-equipped to consider options and make choices. And so, we default to our dependence upon a doctor to make important choices for mothers, for fathers and for their children. The result is the disempowerment of women.I've spoken to many moms who feel like failures after labor and delivery. The birth did not go as they had planned. They found out about their stolen choices after a mediocre-at-best birthing experience and felt disrespected or even violated. Some women even hesitate to have another child because of the traumatic experience with their first birth.
To calm the hearts and minds of all women everywhere, I have a central notion to share with you: You have evolved for the purpose of giving birth. Of giving life. It is the one, fundamental reason women exist. Seat your soul upon this universal truth - you were made to give birth and you - your body, your mind and your baby - know how to do it. It is inherent in you.
Now, before the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as visions of women - barefoot and pregnant - flash before your eyes, let me explain myself. There is a fundamental difference between saying "women evolved to give birth" and saying "women should do nothing other than give birth." Our feminist sisters fought - and are still fighting - a good fight for gender equality and I am thankful for their dedication and commitment to this cause. Lets examine the cause.
I propose the cause is for right of choice. I can now choose to stay home or I can choose to go to work. It is the ability to choose that is important - not the actual choice that I make. The importance lies in the choice belonging to me. In the United States these choices now extend from going on to higher education to who we choose love and marry. But I submit that our choices are still being deflected when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. Where are our choices in this realm? They do exist, if only ever so quietly.
My call is for women to realize their innate ability to birth their babies. To realize birth is not a medical emergency, but rather a natural demand. The rhythms of labor and delivery are different for each mother and baby. They are not standard, but rather unique to each circumstance. Therefore, only a mother can know what she needs during childbirth. It is her right to choose accordingly.
Do not settle for the "standard practice of care." You are not standard and neither is your baby. Educate yourself about the choices for you and for your baby. Talk to your partner and your doctor about these choices. And if your doctor disagrees, default to your innate ability to know what the best choice is for you. Then, find another doctor.
I am advocating birthing choices for mothers, fathers and babies. The choice you make belongs to YOU. Know what your choices are. Know the risks and the benefits of each choice. And then, make your choice according to your innate sense of knowing as a mother. Empower yourself. Empower your birthing experience. You have evolved to grow life and deliver it into this world.
Sat Nam.
