Advocating Choice

It has been a long, long time. I've neglected this blog but only in a physical sense. Mentally I spend many waking moments thinking about change and how to bring it about. I don't know that this blog is THE answer, but it is an answer - a place to place some of my thoughts.

A lot of time has passed since I received a request to continue the birth story. "What happened? How does the rest of the story go?" came the anxious comment. I will continue the story...but not here. Here I want to express what I've come to believe. What I've come to know. It may receive some criticism and be met with some disbelief. I welcome this - it means we are thinking and talking about these issues. I hope we are also listening.

My birth story talks a lot about the choices that I did not know were mine. Choices that are generally reserved for the doctor, but only by default. It is not that these choices belong to the doctor, but rather that mothers are unaware that they have choices. And so, in the delivery room, during the throes of childbirth, mothers are ill-equipped to consider options and make choices. And so, we default to our dependence upon a doctor to make important choices for mothers, for fathers and for their children. The result is the disempowerment of women.

I've spoken to many moms who feel like failures after labor and delivery. The birth did not go as they had planned. They found out about their stolen choices after a mediocre-at-best birthing experience and felt disrespected or even violated. Some women even hesitate to have another child because of the traumatic experience with their first birth.

To calm the hearts and minds of all women everywhere, I have a central notion to share with you: You have evolved for the purpose of giving birth. Of giving life. It is the one, fundamental reason women exist. Seat your soul upon this universal truth - you were made to give birth and you - your body, your mind and your baby - know how to do it. It is inherent in you.

Now, before the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as visions of women - barefoot and pregnant - flash before your eyes, let me explain myself. There is a fundamental difference between saying "women evolved to give birth" and saying "women should do nothing other than give birth." Our feminist sisters fought - and are still fighting - a good fight for gender equality and I am thankful for their dedication and commitment to this cause. Lets examine the cause.

I propose the cause is for right of choice. I can now choose to stay home or I can choose to go to work. It is the ability to choose that is important - not the actual choice that I make. The importance lies in the choice belonging to me. In the United States these choices now extend from going on to higher education to who we choose love and marry. But I submit that our choices are still being deflected when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. Where are our choices in this realm? They do exist, if only ever so quietly.

My call is for women to realize their innate ability to birth their babies. To realize birth is not a medical emergency, but rather a natural demand. The rhythms of labor and delivery are different for each mother and baby. They are not standard, but rather unique to each circumstance. Therefore, only a mother can know what she needs during childbirth. It is her right to choose accordingly.

Do not settle for the "standard practice of care." You are not standard and neither is your baby. Educate yourself about the choices for you and for your baby. Talk to your partner and your doctor about these choices. And if your doctor disagrees, default to your innate ability to know what the best choice is for you. Then, find another doctor.

I am advocating birthing choices for mothers, fathers and babies. The choice you make belongs to YOU. Know what your choices are. Know the risks and the benefits of each choice. And then, make your choice according to your innate sense of knowing as a mother. Empower yourself. Empower your birthing experience. You have evolved to grow life and deliver it into this world.

Sat Nam.

Birth Story: The Beginning

I suspect my first pregnancy story is the average, run-of-the-mill narrative familiar to most women in the United States. It is likely what society views as “normal” if there is such a thing. I was late, I took a pregnancy test, it was positive, I went to the doctor, I was tested again and the pregnancy was confirmed. I rushed out to find a copy of the book that has all of the answers – or one version of them, anyway – “What to Expect When You are Expecting” by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel. I read it cover to cover, keeping track of my baby’s growth week by week and what medical tests to expect during the next appointment. We were living in sunny Southern California at the time and part of a tremendously large health system. I never knew who was going to see during my appointments. I didn’t know who would eventually deliver my baby (which is funny to think about now because, of course, I would delivery my baby). What I did know is that I would have an epidural and whatever else was offered to keep the pain at bay. That I would have my baby in the hospital. And that I would bottle feed (I was a busy athlete, wanting to return to my SoCal lifestyle as a new mom).

As routine as my expectations were for my labor and delivery, my pregnancy was somewhat unorthodox. I was a rock climber, and continued lead climbing several times a week at the local gym where I also worked. I was a new triathlete and continued road biking and running. I dipped in the ocean on a daily basis to either swim out to the ¼ mile buoy in the cove or paddle out to the waves on my surfboard. I was a new yoga practitioner and immediately purchased a prenatal yoga DVD, as well. Of course, the intensity of my activities waned a bit, but it was important to me to remain active. I was unwilling to accept the idea that I was in an especially delicate state that required me to retreat from my normal, daily life. I was young, healthy and confident in my ability to understand my body and its needs. In retrospect, I was right…and perhaps just a smidgen wrong.

Continuing in the same unorthodox vein, when I was 32 weeks pregnant my husband and I decided to move to New Zealand and become permanent residents. We’d traveled extensively throughout New Zealand in prior years and were excited with the idea of birthing our first child there. I began contacting doctors (I’d seen many of them at this point) and collecting the necessary medical records for our residency applications. Time and time again doctors shook their heads and fingers at me, letting me know the risks of my decision, while the nurse’s side glance was full of disapproval. But they could not deny that I was healthy and my pregnancy had been flawlessly uneventful up to that point. I was begrudgingly given medical papers attesting to my good health and number of weeks pregnant for my travel (women 36 weeks pregnant and beyond are discouraged from air travel, especially international travel and often require medical approval).

We arrived in Christchurch at the end of August, where spring was quick on the heels of winter. Our friends greeted us warmly, housing and feeding us for our first week while we searched for our own place. Curiously they never questioned our decision, never expressed concern for my or the baby’s health, in fact they did not seem to bat an eyelash. Rather, when we’d found a quaint little apartment a block from the beach they set to helping us fill it with the necessities – dishes, furniture, television and the like. They also introduced me to Katie, a local midwife.

Katie was a strong, beautiful woman with a cheerful smile and sunbeam eyes. Within moments of meeting her, I felt as though I’d known her for years. Her knowledge and confidence eased my pregnant mind and I knew she’d be at my side in the hospital. This is the woman who would deliver our first born into the world on this beautiful South Island of New Zealand that we hoped to soon call home.

She came to our home for the initial visit and, much to my surprise, I learned that all of our weekly visits would take place right in my living room. Katie spent and hour or two with us during each unrushed visit, chatting about our lives, our preferences and our choices. It was tea with a friend who’d popped over for a visit rather than the sterile, routine pee test, legs spread, “everything looks good” 15 minutes with a stranger that I’d experienced in the health conglomerate that we call “care.” It must have been the second visit that Katie popped the question that blew my mind.

“So,” she said, “how would you like this to go?”

I was befuddled. I didn’t know there were options. I’d never seen or heard of any way other than: 1) water breaks; 2) woman rushes the to hospital; 3) woman endures intense pain; 4) in the throws of agonizing pain woman makes horrible remarks to all who speak to her; 5) baby is born (think of any popular film or television portrayal of labor and delivery here). As one friend recently put it, many cultures tell stories to pass on wisdom. Our stories come in the form of television shows. Katie left us with a stack of books to read and some DVD’s to watch for a crash course regarding the decisions that were ours - not hers – to make.

So I found myself 34 weeks pregnant with our first child in a country on the other side of the world with choices I never knew I had. My assumptions crumbled, my pregnant world broke wide open and an adventure was born.

Caught Unawares by Choice

There is a lot of controversy surrounding the funding of women's health. Most recently is the decision by the Susan G. Komen Foundation to quit contributing to Planned Parenthood. Thankfully, the Susan G. Komen Foundation has reversed this decision and will continue its support, which makes screenings for breast cancer and cervical cancer more accessible. The intial decision to discontinue support was very distressing and contributes to a much larger issue regarding women, their health and their ability to make conscious choices about their healthcare.

The right for women to choose what is best for their own health and wellness is historically fraught with controversy and disempowerment. Being able to choose requires an awareness of choices. Many of these choices are unknown by women and unannounced by their healthcare facilitators. Choices are often sequestered by doctors who are taught a male-oriented or gender-neutral version of what women require in terms of care. This has been my personal experience and the experiences relayed to me by others.

The more I speak with women about their interactions with the healthcare system, particularly concerning pregnancy, labor and delivery, the more acutely aware I am of a system working against the natural and evolutionary feminine rhythms. Our bodies have deep, intuitive knowledge passed on through generations. When we are quiet and listen to our bodies we can learn multitudes about our needs. Our bodies speak to us, telling us what we need to do in care of ourselves. When we have pain our body is indicating to us where we need to be attentive and caring. When we are exhausted it is our body telling us that we need a long, uninterrupted period of time to heal, relax and renew. And when we refuse to listen our bodies respond with dis-ease.

Perhaps the blame shouldn't fall too squarely onto the status-quo OB/GYN. After all, they are just doing what they've been taught, replicating what they've seen countless times in the delivery room of a hospital. It is up to us, women, to question our healthcare providers and seek change when we feel abandoned my them. It is up to us, women, to make our voices heard by sharing our stories and our knowledge with each other. It is up to us, women, to empower each other to create a positive shift in our lives as birthing mothers. This shift will change our communities, woman by woman, child by child, family by family.

Education is essential. Support is paramount. Consciousness if fundamental.

Sankalpa: The setting of Intentions

I thank Barbara Kingsolver for the precious inspiration that has lead me to this moment of putting metaphorical pen to paper. In her book Small Wonder Essays she writes about feelings of hopelessness and fear of the world, or rather the hatred and destruction in it. Contrasting this distraught and lonely rage is the fearless love of her children and her belief in Earth’s enduring spirit. Yes, the planet breathes and endures – long before us and long after we are gone. This is something to believe in. It is the bigger picture, although it is one that we rarely see, as we are inside of it. We’ll never get out. As Kingsolver says, “But the playing field is the planet earth, and I for one have no place else to go” (p. 18).

The question then becomes, “What is there to do?” Again I turn to Kingsolver’s reassuring prose. Quoting Margaret Mead, she endeavors to commit herself to change within her community – the only thing that really does add up to change. Relinquish the talking heads that bear false witness against their viewers. Release the idea that the entire world is at odds with each other and nothing can be done in the face of such tyranny. Renew the community around you in one small way – one small change. That is what I will do.

There are moments of clarity in life, when the collective of decisions we’ve made point in one obvious direction. I was fortunate to experience such clarity in April of 2011 when I met one of my teachers, Colette Crawford – a pre/post natal yoga instructor and a genuine gift from God. Through my training with Colette I’ve come into a greater understanding of my journey into motherhood, gaining new perspectives of women and birth. I’d like to offer these perspectives to my immediate community, as well as the larger community existing online.

This offering is with the hope of inspiring awareness about women and birth and is made with the intention of promoting conscious birthing choices. Please know that I am not advocating a specific type of birthing experience. Rather, I advocate awareness and education about the birthing process so that women can make conscious decisions for themselves and for their babies. It is my belief that birth is a powerful and transformative experience in a woman’s life. We should do our best to empower her throughout this process.

This is my contribution, my offering to my community. I am grateful for this opportunity and deeply humbled by the awesome process of connection, creation and birth.